Drum roll please!

She's alive!

haha, aw, it's good to be back :)


I'm in England now, living in a little town called Ashton with Polly and her Grandparents. Life's a little stressful but it always is isn't it? I had a job, but not anymore lol I think they fired me because I took a day off :/ Which isn't fair because my bronchitis has come back. Bleh. I get to call for an interview somewhere else tomorrow though so wish me luck! If this job pulls through it could be my ticket to a flat. Wooo! 
So, I really like it here in England. I get sad thinking about leaving already lol. I've got a good group of friends here too, which is great because it's usually hard to get friends when you move somewhere. They're all guys except for three but hey, girls can get so annoying :p I've also managed to get some crushes ;) hehehe. First and for most, there's Polly's cousin Jake. He's super awesome - he's the clown - loud, joker, musical, artsy, funny, sweet, and damn fine haha. He's a little over protective and sometimes he's got a big head (apparently) but the good weigh out the bad so far :) Oh, yeah, he's got a girlfriend lawlz. So THAT'S not going anywhere. Then there's Shepp. His name's Matthew but everyone calls him Shepp (his last name is Sheppard) and he is adorable. He's totally my type :p Not sure if I've mentioned that I go for the skaters, but I do, and England is seriously lacking in that department. Shepps really cute though, he's more of the quite type in contrast to Jake. I don't really know how to describe him...He's kinda just like the perfect balance :) He's single too hehehe
Wow. I haven't talked about boys in so long! I feel so stupid blogging about them lol - I feel like I'm in High School all over again :/ It's because I'm happy I guess. Well, pretty happy..

Anyways, I really didn't plan on making this all about boys but oh well. haha. I promise to try and update more often no that I'm settled. 

xxxx

Yours Ever,
Darien Style

I've apparently developed a fear of sleeping.
Is that even possible?
...
..
*googles*

YUP!  "somniphobia - fear of sleep"

I guess fear isn't exactly what I would describe it as, seeing as how it doesn't make my heart race or anything physical, I just really really really don't want to do it for some unknown reason. I noticed it a couple days ago that I've actually been trying to AVOID going to sleep. Is that not SO fucked up? I don't get it. Right now, for instance, I'm so tierd that my eyes are heavy but I just don't want to sleep. I feel as if I go to sleep something bads going to happen - anything: I'll have nightmares, I'll sleep too long, I won't sleep enough, I'll wake up in pain, I'll never wake up at all...Like, what the fuck? I've never dealt with this before. I've suffered from insomnia before but that's totally different, I was trying to sleep and couldn't...These past few days I've been staying awake as long as I can before litterally passing out. On top of this oddity, I've been feeling pretty depressed.
I hate that I just can't be normal; that I need pills to feel/act like everyone else.
I hate that I know this, know that I need them, but still can't accept it.

FML.

♥♥♥♥
Yours ever,
Darien Style

 I once knew a girl
who had never seen the sky
because everywhere she wandered
she caused the clouds to cry

And if you've ever tried
to look up while it rains
then you'd surely understand
her sadness and her pains

Everywhere she went
she could not escape the sound;

Pitter-patter
pitter-patter
pitter-patter all around

Pitter-patter
pitter-patter
No one wanted her around

And since nobody saw
the beauty of her rain
she never saw the sun,
her clear skies never came


♥♥♥♥

Yours ever,
Darien style